he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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