I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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