she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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