I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
