I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
