I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He? As in you personified your dick?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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