she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
