then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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