Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you had me at cake vodka
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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