How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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