I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize