Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
