dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
