I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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