Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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