I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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