Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
