Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
