i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
