She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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