i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
