Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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