Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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