hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
