..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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