There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize