I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
