Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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