i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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