god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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