I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize