dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
