dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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