my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
