guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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