Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
