we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
