i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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