My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
