I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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