Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
