I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
