Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
