I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
