Too much gin, very little bucket
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
