if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
