what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
