Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
