New invention idea: vibrating tampons
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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