Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
