6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
