Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
