I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
