Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
even my farts smell like vagina
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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