bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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