Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
