just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
