I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
