Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
