I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
