Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
