How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize