He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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