you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
