you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
