bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
