Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
