I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
