planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
